9. Real Encouragement

We all know what it is to be discouraged. The head hangs down a bit; the knees are weak. We don’t see how we will accomplish all the things that are before us in any way that would please us. The situation is running directly counter to what we think is required for our thriving.

But discouragement is one of those sneaky things—because when you are feeling sad about your problems or duties or the endlessness of the work you need to do, you start thinking about it a lot. And as you reflect on it, trying to pinpoint the problem, you can smoothly slip into being discontent with your lot.

Now, here is the problem. When we have gotten into a foggy land where we cannot really discern what we are doing, we often feel great clarity about what we need.

"I need help in here! I need encouragement!"

"Somebody really should come babysit for me or clean the house or stop by with coffee! If they would do things like that, I would not be so discouraged."

After identifying a lot of things that imaginary people could do for us if they would only care enough to help us, we can move on to bemoaning that they aren’t here.

"It would be so much better if I had family in town."

"I always knew I should have had a sister—because she would come over and clean the house for me while I took a nap and got my tank filled."

"This church is not the kind of community I need."

"My husband is not doing his job and taking some of my burdens."

"Other people go on vacations that would make me feel better."

It is a shockingly easy transition from feeling low to behaving badly. Discouragement is not necessarily a sin, but discontent is. Becoming a complainer at the Olympic level is not a sign that you have good insights, even though the practice you are giving yourself of sharpening complaints may make you feel like it does.

But this is a very important thing for us to all understand—when we are desperately in need of encouragement, we are desperately in need of heart strength. Encouragement is by definition something that strengthens the heart for a difficult task. The reason this is so important to understand is that you always have access to it! You have the Lord! You have His Word! You have the company of faithful saints with their own strong hearts for their own hard tasks.

While someone offering us physical gifts or help or relief can also have a side effect of encouraging us, it is never the only way. If you are thinking a lot about what help or interventions you need in order to be encouraged, that is a sign that you are not discouraged but rather discontent. Now, rather than being able to go straight to the Word for encouragement you also need to confess the discontent. You need to confess all the fantasies you have been crafting of having an older woman mentor who would have come over to do your laundry and made you feel better.

The nature of real encouragement is that it does not take you away from your real life and your real problems, but rather gives you strength for it. So when you are feeling discouraged about something, you should ask the Lord to strengthen your heart for it. If this does not sound like what you want, then you have a little cue that you are struggling—not with discouragement but discontent.

A lot of the time, you probably already know the answers—and could greatly encourage yourself by reflecting on those truths instead of what is not going well. Like the psalmist, you can tell yourself to not be discouraged.

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God - Psalm 42:11

Encouraging yourself is something that you can do and can always learn to do better—a skill that you can strengthen by reading the Word and prayer, by taking a moment to ask yourself what the Lord would have you do and see in this moment. What would please the Lord from me now? Ask Him. Do that. This is the most heart-strengthening activity in the world.

When I wake up one morning and see a lot of trouble waiting for me in the day, I can take a mental journey of all the ways I would prefer to not have these problems—which will in no way strengthen me for the work. It is not simply a waste of time either—It is a way to further weaken myself, right when I need strength. It is like walking outside to find out that it is much colder than you thought, and then taking off your coat and throwing it away.

On the other hand, when I am first struck by some discouraging situation in my life, if I immediately ask myself what would please the Lord right now from me—I know. I know exactly what would please Him. It would please Him for me to cheerfully press on without any self-pity or ungodly expectations. It would please Him for me to thank Him for all the good work He has prepared for me to walk in. And more than just knowing what would best please Him, when I do the work, I am greatly blessed, encouraged, and strengthened too.

Heavenly Father, I ask that You would help us all to walk in the courage that You alone can give. Set our hearts on pleasing You and keep us from indulging in discontent under the guise of discouragement. Thank You for Your constant and perfect strength, help us all to lean on it and give us all great joy as we do.

Rachel Jankovic